3 Types of Things That Go Wrong

Not all mistakes are equal. It's useful to categorise issues, because a forgotten chore and an act of theft should not be treated with the same strategy. Here are three broad types of "wrong" and how one might respond to each:

Task-Based Error: This is a mistake in carrying out duties. For example: A staff member forgot to turn off the gas stove after cooking, or they missed a spot in cleaning, or didn't deliver a message. These are errors in execution, usually unintentional. Response Strategy: Correct + reinforce process. The main thing is to fix the immediate problem (turn off the gas, ventilate the area, etc.) and then reinforce the process so it doesn't happen again (maybe introduce a kitchen closing checklist in this example). It's usually about retraining or adjusting routines (as we discussed in the feedback and routines chapters). These errors are often opportunities to improve the system — maybe the person was overburdened or distracted, so how can we adjust the workload or introduce a safety check? Maintain a calm tone, address it as outlined in the feedback chapter (notice, standard, guidance, encourage). No need for big drama if corrected and learned from.

Behavioural Mismatch: This is when a staff member's behaviour doesn't align with the expected conduct or attitude. Example: Being rude to a guest, raising their voice at a child, rolling eyes at feedback, or perhaps gossiping within the house. These are more about interpersonal actions and attitudes. Response Strategy: Feedback + emotional clarity conversation. Essentially, you need to have a conversation addressing why the behaviour is problematic, hear their side if there's something to it, and clarify the emotional impact. For instance, "I heard you speaking sharply to Grandma last night. That's not acceptable here because it hurts feelings and shows disrespect. Can you tell me what happened from your view? (Maybe they were stressed or Grandma was rude first — listen.) I need you to handle frustrations by stepping away or asking for help, not by snapping. How can we make sure you're supported enough to do that?" It's part feedback, part understanding if something deeper is causing this (burnout, personal issues, misunderstanding of role). You reinforce the culture (respect, patience, etc. — refer to Chapter 7) and often re-motivate or counsel the person. If it's minor and first-time, a gentle talk may suffice. If it's more serious or repeated, you might need to set a warning and a clear expectation ("If I observe that again, we'll have to have a more serious discussion"). The key is to address behaviours specifically and reiterate the values of the home.

Value Breach: This is the most serious category: when a staff member does something that breaks fundamental trust or rules. For example: Theft, lying about something important, serious breaches of confidentiality, or perhaps consistently flouting safety rules (endangering others), or harassment. These strike at core values like honesty, safety, and trustworthiness. Response Strategy: Escalation + formal intervention. This means you treat it as a serious incident, potentially leading to termination or other formal consequences. Don't handle it casually or just with a chat if it's truly serious. "Escalation" can include involving a higher authority (for instance, notifying the family head or a security consultant if needed, or in some cases, law enforcement for theft). It often means a written record (a written warning or documentation of what happened). The tone becomes formal and firm. For example, if you discovered theft, you would investigate to confirm, then likely confront the person in a formal meeting, present evidence, hear them (maybe there's an explanation, but in theft cases, there seldom is one that justifies it), and almost always this ends in termination with cause. Escalation doesn't mean anger or yelling; it means structured accountability. You can be very firm and even curt without shouting: "I'm afraid taking money from the drawer is a breach of our trust and terms of employment. We have to take formal action on this." And follow whatever process is legally/ethically required (final paycheck, etc., possibly police if large theft). We'll cover letting go in more detail in Chapter 12, but know that value breaches are usually signals that the working relationship might not recover.

Understanding these types helps you modulate your response. Not every wrong is a fireable offence; not every wrong is a simple retraining either. By responding proportionately, you maintain fairness and morale. If you punish a small error like a big one, you demoralise staff. If you treat a big offence lightly, you disillusion everyone and potentially put people at risk.